How do you get yourself unstuck from the negative thoughts in your head? This is a question I have struggled to find an answer to forever.
I am a rather private person and keep my cards tucked tightly against my chest. The less people know about me — the better. The less I open up to others –keeps me safest. My mind is in constant flight or fight mode. I am better off alone. So, I keep everyone at an arms length away. My thoughts, a constant reminder, of how worthless I am.
I get stuck on the words that have been spewed into my ears. I become all the words that have ever been used against me. The waste of space, the fatty, the ugly girl, the slut, the bad friend, the terrible girlfriend, the crazy ex wife, the abused, the probable cause, the good for nothing failure, the girl who would be better off dead. These are all titles given to me which feed my anxiety and depression. The fuel for the demons inside me. These are all just bullets to wound my tired soul.
I get caught up in the aftermath and my thoughts turn to them as a comfort. Yet, as we all see there is no solace in any of these phrases. They are not a paradise in which comfort is found. They are the Hell that lives inside me. The constant reminder that I am not good enough. The reasons why I can never let anyone close to me.
So, where do I begin to take back the control. How can I have the power to erase the damage they have created. Sadly, the damage has been done; but, I have the power to be stronger. These are all just words that have been flung at my self esteem. I need to believe that I am better than the intentions that went with these words. That, I myself, do not believe the hate. That I learn to love myself unconditionally.
So, lets take a journey together and learn to love ourselves for who we are and not what anyone else labels us as. We have the power to turn away the negative thoughts and to snuff them out. It isn’t going to be an easy path and we will stumble and we fall and we will want to stay down in the dirt with the hatred; but, we are going to pick ourselves up and take baby steps into a future we are meant to live. Each tiny step forward is a victory to rewiring our thoughts into self love. So, lets begin to fall in love with ourselves.