In the moments between the negative thoughts I feel like I can fly or be anything I want to be. I am on top of the world. I love myself and who I am. I know I am an amazing woman with a heart of gold. I believe in myself and I believe that I am unstoppable. I know my worth and I don’t settle. Sadly, this way of thinking never lasts long. It always starts to fade as my anxiety and depression starts to show.
The first thought they show me is my reminder that they can still control me. It’s the beginning of the end of my self love. Slowly, the negative thinking bleeds into my self esteem and I believe all the words of hatred. As my mind changes into the icy dark pit of despair, my world starts falling apart. I lock myself inside my house, close all the blinds, and avoid all contact with people. I am nothing.
I hate the fact that this is even a thing. That I have to fight with my mind each and everyday. That I can’t just wake up and know that everything is going to be fine.
I wake up each day and tell myself that I am worth it; that I am amazing; that I am strength; that I am love; that I am good enough. When I started with these affirmations I didn’t believe them. I would say them out of hope that maybe one day they would be my truth. Two years later and I believe the words 50% of my mornings. To me that is great because when I started I never believed at all.
Some mornings, the belief is there and others, I just say it out of routine; but, I still speak it to the universe as my intentions. Even on my darkest days I want to believe that I am important and I matter. I am important and I do matter. So, do you. It gets hard when those bad thoughts start spreading. I know. All we can do is take it one moment at a time. Breathe and be proud we made it a minute. Eventually, we can start to be proud we made it 10 minutes; an hour; a day; a month.
So, lets start speaking about our worth; our importance; our strength; our amazingness. Wake up each morning and tell the universe about the good in yourself. Repeat this daily until you finally believe the words. Repeat this when you feel any negative thoughts coming your way. Repeat before bed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
You might not feel like you are any of the words you speak; but, you are giving birth to seeing yourself as important. It is a slow process. It isn’t that over the night type of thing. I know that I struggle with not being able to see the results ASAP. I am very much a results right away person; but, this is a process which takes time. We are basically knocking down the faulty foundations which we have built our world around. A good foundation is gonna take us some time to build up. We have time; because we are strong and we want to rebuild ourselves to the best of our abilities. We want to be happy and we want to stop living in fear.
We need to stop feeding the negative thoughts. We can not fuel them anymore. No more thinking or speaking of ourselves in a negative light. The words we cast out become what we know and believe. So, the challenge now is speaking about ourselves with a loving and caring voice; ALWAYS. If we fail, we try again. We tell ourselves that we did our best and keep moving forward. We can’t stew in the failed moment. Things can take time to accomplish and we may need to work to achieve things. This is okay. We didn’t become a failure because we failed. We keep working at it and trying to the best of our abilities. We aren’t failures; remember this.